The Bloody British

by Paul Hawkins & Goldmann/Random House

His countrymen betrayed him…

… now he’s betraying them


On the morning after the Brexit vote, Paul Hawkins woke up in his Berlin apartment, completely depressed. For one thing, his body was still covered in a regrettable amount of permanent marker pen from the night before (long story). For another, he was angry (on the inside): thanks entirely to a load of people living on an island over there, he would no longer be a citizen of the European Union… the place that contained the place that contained all his pants.

This betrayal, he soon decided, would have to be answered in kind. And so – as Europe asked itself, ‘what is going on with the British?’ – he set to work on a shameless plan of his own: an unabridged and indispensable handbook for all of his fellow Europeans to help them deal with the British…. wherever, whenever, and however drunk they find them. After all, who better to lay bare all of their absurd peculiarities, hidden weaknesses and dirty secrets than an insider… with a hilarious grudge?

So now, dear European reader, for the first time you will get to meet these eccentric but well-meaning island-oddballs as you never have before. Have you ever wondered why the Brits are so overly-polite? Why they are really so terrified to say what they mean? And why they seem to be forever obsessed with giving a running commentary of the weather, as if that information could not be just as easily learned from looking out of a window? Well, then, this lovingly absurd, gleefully honest, and only mildly vengeful guide to the British is for you.

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From the bestselling author of Denglisch for Better Knowers

Paul Hawkins is an author, illustrator, liar and astronaut. This is his first attempt at trying to guide the actions of nation states.