Wyclef Jean once ran a now fully disgraced ‘charity’ called Yéle Haiti. Shortly after a devastating earthquake hit Haiti in 2010, incredible evidence emerged of Yéle’s serious misappropriation of its donated funds (at their peak, around $16 million). After prolonged investigation, the highlights of its wonky accounting included:
$9m on travel, staff salaries, consultant fees, and expenses related to its property portfolio.
$600,000 given to Wyclef’s brother-in-law to help with the “rebuilding of Haiti.”
$37,000 to rent space at a Manhatten recording studio, owned by Wyclef.
$357,000 spent on “landscaping” for its offices.
$24,000 on Wyclef’s personal chauffeur.
$30,000 to fly Lindsay Lohan by private jet to a charity fund raiser.
$125,000 to transport Wyclef to interviews before his charity fund raiser.
$100,000 for Wylcef’s appearance at a charity fund raiser… effectively paying himself to perform.
None of which I think is very interesting, incidentally. It’s just a little context for you before we start with one of the most unbelievable photos I have ever seen.
Good. Here it is.
What an incredible man
How could this happen?
On the 18th of October 2012, shortly after it emerged that he was a total fucking cunt, Wyclef Jean accidentally buttered himself and posted this photograph of the incident on Twitter, a ‘website’ which most of the whole world is able to look at through devices called computers.
The accidental release of the photograph, which documented the embarrassing birthday that he accidentally put on butter instead of clothes, was also accompanied by the accidental release of some words, the grammar and spelling of which has been left unchanged to provide further emphasis of the main argument: “TODAY I AM 43 YEARS OLD! I look And feel 26! U cant keep à good Man down! Keep à smile when they want you to frown!”
In previous responses to rumours that he was a total fucking cunt, Wyclef Jean replied, “I’m a huge fan of Sarah Palin,” released a totally non-ironic album called From the Huts, to the Projects, to the Mansion, tried to run for President of Haiti despite speaking neither of the island’s two main languages, then compared the media’s treatment of him after his charity’s major, awful, shocking fraud, as similar in nature to the persecution of Jesus and Martin Luther King Jr.
Yes. He wrote that in a book.
When questioned about how his charity lost/stole/wasted so much donated and desperately needed money, Wyclef Jean said, whilst not going anywhere on his superbike, that he had no personal need for the funds.
“I have a watch collection worth $500,000,” he volunteered.
With such a staggering resume for a man who only looks 26, Wyclef Jean was recently asked by skeptics if there was anything else he could think of that would help convince the last few remaining people that he was, in fact, a dreadful fucking cunt.
He pondered for a moment, in front of at least three garages.
‘I could write some more songs,’ he thought.
You can donate money to legitimate charity Help for Haitihere.
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