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Auf Deutsch  |  Dual Language

The Bloody British: A Well-Meaning Guide to an Awkward Nation

Paperback & eBook

Ever said sorry to an inanimate object?

Formed a queue… on your own?

Or spent the whole night standing naked in a stranger’s cupboard because you’re too polite to ask for help? (Don’t ask.)

Being British isn’t easy. Especially if you live abroad, where your countrymen aren’t exactly famous for, well, blending in.

As his beloved homeland goes Brexit bananas, bestselling humourist Paul Hawkins takes on Britishness – how it looks from the outside, how to be British abroad and what you can only learn about home once you leave it.

In this self-deprecating (and only mildly treacherous) handbook, he reveals the awkward secrets, cultural blind-spots and private oddness of the people he once shared an island with. (Revenge is a dish best served politely, after all…)

Part memoir, part cheat-sheet for decoding a nation of well-meaning misfits, The Bloody British is full of hilarious insights about Britishness gleaned (often begrudgingly) from the author’s own time as another country’s foreigner.

Featuring invaluable advice like for all Brits, expats, brexpats and visitors to the UK, including:

· The Brit Abroad Language-Speaking Plan

· How to be Rude, Politely (the secret code of passive-aggression)

· How to be Mean, Nicely (the unwritten rules of successful banter)

· … Plus a specially-illustrated, emergency Integration Guide for British Refugees in Europe (just in case)

For all fans of Very British Problems, Douglas Adams and Bill Bryson, it’s the perfect gift for the socially awkward oddball in your life (especially if that socially awkward oddball is you.)

Are you ready to meet The Bloody British?

>> Buy now!

Avoiding Adulthood: Irresponsible Advice for Begrudging Grown-Ups

Paperback & eBook

Are you terrible at life?

You’re not alone. But the problem isn’t you: it’s adulthood – with its ridiculous expectations, soul-sucking admin and casual threats of prison.

What if you could get all the perks of being a grown-up without having to throw your inner child under a bus? You can!

With Avoiding Adulthood, it’s now possible to opt-out of life’s most nagging problems… for the price of mere dignity!

So join bestselling author Paul Hawkins today and learn to:

· Do a whole weekly supermarket shop in just five seconds!

· Pull a sickie so convincing your employer will beg you not to come in!

· Become instantly and undeservedly rich (just by moving somewhere scary)

Avoiding Adulthood is packed full of anarchic British silliness, impractical advice and a serious plan to become a Somali warlord. It’s the perfect gift for the chaotic and irrepressible child in your life (especially if the chaotic and irrepressible child is you.)

Life is hard, so why not cheat?

>> Buy now!

iHuman: a User’s Guide

Paperback & eBook

Human beings are probably the most fun thing it is possible to be on Earth.

However, through a unique combination of advanced features like Brain, Thumb and Leg Erection Technology™, they are also the most complex, which is why you can’t just point one blindly in the direction of society, slap it on the bum, and hope for the best.

Don’t worry, this instruction manual is here to help. With advice on Hardware & Trouble-Shooting (“If you can’t feel your legs, it’s possible you have woken up without arms”), Software & Operating Systems (“Men are slightly bigger than women, which has historically been enough to convince them that they should be in charge of everything”) and Operation & Upgrades (“Most humans have something called a job, which is where they go in the day so they can afford somewhere to go at night”), this missing handbook for the modern Homo Sapien experience will ensure you get the most fun, novelty and even fulfilment out of your amazing slice of time on the liveliest planet in the solar system.

>> Buy now!

Dual Language (English/German)


den1Denglish for Better Knowers

Improving the English language, one German word at a time…


by Paul Hawkins and Adam Fletcher (Ullstein Publishing)

The authors of the Spiegel best-selling How to be German are back with a brand new, illustrated love letter to the language of our adopted home. Join us as we take you on a tour through some of the German language’s greatest words, expressions, proverbs and language possibilities, all wrapped up for international delivery in the form of Denglisch.

This dual-language flip-book is the perfect gift to introduce the humble Ausländer to the absolute awesomeness of the German language, and a fun way for German readers to rediscover the hilarious, hidden wonders of their mother tongue. While it has previously been so maligned and misunderstood, now everyone will finally discover: with the German language is very good cherry eating.

Buy now! <<

Learn more! <<

Save German! <<

Watch the trailer below…

Also coming soon:

How to Take Over Earth by Lieutenant Zinfluu

A Comprehensive Report by the Ministry of Intergalactic Outreach and Planetary Enslavement

The Bloody British

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Politely

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