As featured in…

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Books  |  Scripts  |  Portfolio  |  In the Press


How to Take Over Earth Die erste geleakte Bericht eines Außeridischen, Ullstein, 2018

Die Nerven, die Briten! (The Bloody British), Goldmann/Random House, 2017

Erwachsenwerden für Anfänger (Dealing with Adulthood), C.H. Beck, 2016

iHuman: User Guide, Albatross Publishing, 2016

Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch: Bedienung, Wartung, Reparatur, C.H. Beck, 2015

Denglisch for Better Knowers, Ullstein, with Adam Fletcher, 2014

The Hipster Guide, Donkey Products, with Adam Fletcher, 2012

Click here to visit the shop.


I have a First-class BA (Hons) in Scriptwriting for Film and Television, which is a real thing that you’re actually allowed to study in modern life (what a world). I have written everything from script treatments to series bibles, and every sensible length of screenplay in between, from short films to feature-lengths. If you’d like to learn more about my scripts, please contact me.


Donald Recurring

A feature-length comedy film about Donald, a quantum physicist in the midst of an existential crisis, and all the usual inconvenience and confusion that comes to day-to-day life when identical clones of yourself start turning up at your house every day and instantly dying upon eye contact.


Larry the Friendly Chlamydia

A feature-length CGI comedy adventure that promises to take (im)mature audiences on a microscopic tale of epic proportions.


Burr and the Squeakles

An animation concept for young children about a giant called Burr who gets increasingly little the further he goes from home.

How to Deal With Adulthood – Book Preview

Writing a CV / Having an Interview / Commuting / Filling out Forms

Rants by Topic

AddictionAliens /  Atheism / Cannabis / ConsciousnessCountries / Colour-blindness / ChildrenDeathSoldiersWeirdness / WomenYou

Paul Hawkins & Adam Fletcher

This nice bald man is my friend. Sometimes we write things together, for fun, or money, or both, or neither. We’ve even co-authored a comedy book together about the best German words and phrases that the English language should adopt, which you can buy here.


As Amazon slugs it out with the big publishers, authors are left cowering, The Guardian, June 30th, 2014

Six genius German words and idioms we should be using in English, Matador Network, July 2nd, 2014

Curiosity and Ignorance: why expat life appeals to your inner child, Venture Village, September 25th, 2013

The Moderately Indifferent Person’s Guide to Berlin, Venture Village, August 19th, 2013

Idealists, Cynics, and the Fate of Humanity, Venture Village, July 3rd 2013

Love, Muesli, and Nigeria: How the Internet Changed Everything, Venture Village, May 7th, 2013

Ideas are like children: most of them are horrible, Venture Village, April 2nd 2013

“Us” – a practical pep talk on our complete cosmic awesomeness, Venture Village, January 10th, 2013

How to be English – 10 Ways to Indulge your Inner Anglophile, Venture Village, December 10th, 2012

(If you think you would prefer to be spending time with Adam Fletcher right now instead of me, you can find him here.)


The Darkies’ Bed – an erotic novel – An introductory chapter to a sizzling spoof

How to be a… Stupid Tourist / Office WorkerModern, Media-Savvy Politician

Optimist’s Guide to… Embarrassment

Blomp and Whizzo the Wonder Kid – Some ‘self-help’ type nonsense about giving yourself a break

Lists: Top 10 Reasons to Maybe Not Have Kids, Yeah? / 7 Stupid Ways to Optimise your Mornings (if you hate them)

Shorties (500 words): Talent is Cheap / Ping!!The Internet Killed the Radio Star

My Neukölln Neighbours, and the Quest for the Magic Internet, überlin, March 24th, 2013

The Most Unbelievable Photograph of All Time? – A Rant about Wyclef Jean

How (Not) to Avoid a Speeding Ticket – A Rant about Traffic Police

Imagine 2.0 – The 2016 version of the classic John Lennon song, as interpreted by Donald Trump

Academia & Commentary

When Culture and Copyright Collide – an academic thesis that explores the difficult relationship between intellectual property and the distribution of media in the digital age. Is file sharing really killing the film industry? (2009)

Brexit: We don’t want to be ruled by YOUR unelected lunatics, we want to be ruled by OURS, Medium, June 2016

How to Vote, if You’re a Human Being (Brexit, Trump and the Future of the Species), Medium,  June 2016

The Battle for America’s Soul, Moot Magazine; Gay Issue, June 2012

You Don’t Own You, Moot Magazine; Sex and Politics Issue, July 2012

In the Press

The Guardian- As Amazon slugs it out with the big publishers, authors are left cowering

BILD – Zehn um Zehn: 10 Denglisch-Sprichwörter zum Schmunzeln

Hamburger Morgenpost – Das ist die Gebrauchsanleitung für den Menschen

Frankfurter Rundshau – So funktioniert die Maschine Mensch

Frankfurter Allgemeine – Ein Brite will die deutsche Sprache retten

ORF – OE1 – Wissen – ‘Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch’ (book reading/radio)

Falter – Was Homo-sapiens-Besitzer wissen müssen (review)

Falter – (Nicht) Erwachsenwerden (review)

The New York Times – German publishers seek Amazon inquiry

Mitteldeutsche Zeitung – Gebrauchsanleitung So bedient man die Maschine Mensch (review)

The Huffinton Post – Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch: Wie sich Mann von Frau unterscheidet und umgekehrt

The Huffington Post – “Denglisch for Better Knowers”: So absurd klingen deutsche Sprichwörter auf Englisch

The Huffington Post – Wenn ihr das auf Englisch sagt, macht ihr euch total lächerlich

Berliner Kurier – Das ist die Gebrauchsanleitung für den Menschen


Matador Network – The Great British Hypocrisy: Why the UK leaving the EU is ludicrous

Resonanzboden – Wir wollen nicht von EUREN ungewählten Spinnern regiert werden, sondern von UNSEREN ungewählten Spinnern

Deutsch Sprachwelt – Denglisch for Better-Knowers: Wie ein Brite die deutsche Sprache retten will

Vorablesen – Denglisch for Better-Knowers

Was liest du? – Denglisch for Better-Knowers

All That Magic – Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch (review)

All That Magic – Erwachsenwerden für Anfänger (review)

The Displaced Nation – Shouldn’t Germany also be loaning us words? (interview)

Berlin Loves You – Von User Manuals für Aliens und Cabrios im Rückwärtsgang (interview)

Berlin Loves You – Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch – Wie wir sie lesen

Mash Stories – The Ultimate Point of View: Looking at Life from an Alien Perspective (interview)

Schriebelust, Leselust: Die nerven, die Briten! (review)

Sabrinas Welt: Die nerven, die Briten! (review)

Voices of the Street – Der erste ‘geleakte’ Bericht eines Außerirdischen – großartig! (review)

Christinas Multiversum – Außerirdisch gute Satire (review)

Audio & Video

Film: Kennen Sie jemanden, der an Erwachsenwerden leidet? (auf Deutsch)

Film: Germanizer 3000 – The entire German language… in a hat!

ORF – Ö1 – Wissen – ‘Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch’ (book reading/radio – auf Deutsch)

Made in Bristol TV – The Crunch – Episode 168 (as guest)

SAT1 – Talk: Denglisch for Better Knowers (Adam Fletcher as guest)

piffle! Radio – Episode 13: Space (as panellist)

Source Code Berlin – Neukölln: Changing at the Speed of Life (as guest)

Two Beers Show – Episode 8: Pure German (as guest)