Portfolio

My Books  |  My Scripts  |  Portfolio  |  In the Press

My Books

Avoiding Adulthood: Irresponsible Advice for Begrudging Grown-Ups, 2019

How to Take Over Earth Die erste geleakte Bericht eines Außeridischen, Ullstein, 2018

Die Nerven, die Briten! (The Bloody British), Goldmann/Random House, 2017

Erwachsenwerden für Anfänger (Avoiding Adulthood), C.H. Beck, 2016

iHuman: a User’s Guide, Albatross Publishing, 2016

Gebrauchsanleitung Mensch: Bedienung, Wartung, Reparatur, C.H. Beck, 2015

Denglisch for Better Knowers, Ullstein, with Adam Fletcher, 2014

The Hipster Guide, Donkey Products, with Adam Fletcher, 2012

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My Scripts

I have a First-class BA (Hons) in Scriptwriting for Film and Television, which is a real thing that you’re actually allowed to study in modern life (what a world). I have written everything from script treatments to series bibles, and every sensible length of screenplay in between, from short films to feature-lengths. If you’d like to learn more about my scripts, please contact me.

 

Donald Recurring

A feature-length comedy film about Donald, a quantum physicist in the midst of an existential crisis, and all the usual inconvenience and confusion that comes to day-to-day life when identical clones of yourself start turning up at your house every day and instantly dying upon eye contact.

 

Larry the Friendly Chlamydia

A feature-length CGI comedy adventure that promises to take (im)mature audiences on a microscopic tale of epic proportions.

 

Burr and the Squeakles

An animation concept for young children about a giant called Burr who gets increasingly little the further he goes from home.

How to Deal With Adulthood – Book Preview

Writing a CV / Having an Interview / Commuting / Filling out Forms

Rants by Topic

AddictionAliens /  Atheism / Cannabis / ConsciousnessCountries / Colour-blindness / ChildrenDeathSoldiersWeirdness / WomenYou

Paul Hawkins & Adam Fletcher

This nice bald man is my friend. Sometimes we write things together, for fun, or money, or both, or neither. We’ve even co-authored a comedy book together about the best German words and phrases that the English language should adopt, which you can buy here.

 

As Amazon slugs it out with the big publishers, authors are left cowering, The Guardian, June 30th, 2014

Six genius German words and idioms we should be using in English, Matador Network, July 2nd, 2014

Curiosity and Ignorance: why expat life appeals to your inner child, Venture Village, September 25th, 2013

The Moderately Indifferent Person’s Guide to Berlin, Venture Village, August 19th, 2013

Idealists, Cynics, and the Fate of Humanity, Venture Village, July 3rd 2013

Love, Muesli, and Nigeria: How the Internet Changed Everything, Venture Village, May 7th, 2013

Ideas are like children: most of them are horrible, Venture Village, April 2nd 2013

“Us” – a practical pep talk on our complete cosmic awesomeness, Venture Village, January 10th, 2013

How to be English – 10 Ways to Indulge your Inner Anglophile, Venture Village, December 10th, 2012

(If you think you would prefer to be spending time with Adam Fletcher right now instead of me, you can find him here.)

Other

The Darkies’ Bed – an erotic novel – An introductory chapter to a sizzling spoof

How to be a… Stupid Tourist / Office WorkerModern, Media-Savvy Politician

Optimist’s Guide to… Embarrassment

Blomp and Whizzo the Wonder Kid – Some ‘self-help’ type nonsense about giving yourself a break

Lists: Top 10 Reasons to Maybe Not Have Kids, Yeah? / 7 Stupid Ways to Optimise your Mornings (if you hate them)

Shorties (500 words): Talent is Cheap / Ping!!The Internet Killed the Radio Star

My Neukölln Neighbours, and the Quest for the Magic Internet, überlin, March 24th, 2013

The Most Unbelievable Photograph of All Time? – A Rant about Wyclef Jean

How (Not) to Avoid a Speeding Ticket – A Rant about Traffic Police

Imagine 2.0 – The 2016 version of the classic John Lennon song, as interpreted by Donald Trump

Academia & Commentary

When Culture and Copyright Collide – an academic thesis that explores the difficult relationship between intellectual property and the distribution of media in the digital age. Is file sharing really killing the film industry? (2009)

Brexit: We don’t want to be ruled by YOUR unelected lunatics, we want to be ruled by OURS, Medium, June 2016

How to Vote, if You’re a Human Being (Brexit, Trump and the Future of the Species), Medium,  June 2016

The Battle for America’s Soul, Moot Magazine; Gay Issue, June 2012

You Don’t Own You, Moot Magazine; Sex and Politics Issue, July 2012